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MORE True Life in God Testimonies...
Dear brothers & sisters in Christ,
I would like to share with you a personal experience I had, a distinct event in my life, I would call: the beginning of a conversion of heart.
A little about me. I am a life-long Catholic, and although I attended Church regularly all my life, in the past few years I was slowly drifting away in my relationship with Jesus. Basically, I never lost my faith, but I stopped placing God as first in my life, and so I drifted further and further away from God and His ways.
So last year, at a very low point in my life, I stumbled upon the True Life in God messages. One day, a friend who was working in the same industry as I was, gave me and others, an Internet address of the TLIG website. After some investigation I started reading the messages, just because I didn't have anything else to do at that time. And also because a few days prior to this, I remember reading "by chance" (of course now I believe all this was by the grace of God) the Garabandal story. It seemed very interesting to me that the TLIG messages confirmed these apparitions, so this kept me interested in the messages, even though it was at a more superficial level at first. And so in the beginning I must admit that I interpreted a lot of the messages of TLIG in a rather external way, a non-spiritual way, a more sensational way. But after, what I believe was my "Day of Purification", I was slowly able to understand the messages as being completely non-sensational and all-spiritual.
So about my purification experience; what Jesus calls in the TLIG messages: "the Visitation" or "the Lord's Day", which I believe I might have already gone through. Although I am still not 100% sure if this was my "Day of Purification", but I can definitely not deny what took place, and what I vividly went through.
Even more so, after recently reading the latest TLIG Volume (12), and specifically after reading the message of 30.9.02 1 in particular the following words of Jesus:
"the purification has already started and some of you were already visited by Me; have you forgotten your words in your alarm when you exclaimed in agony: 'I have been snatched in Your Fire Lord!' at last admitting your guilt, with groans of repentance?"
at that instant, after reading this sentence, I again recalled to mind the time of my purification, and how very similar it was to how Jesus described it. At first I was reluctant about sharing this with others, but after reading this message, I have felt strongly motivated to share my experience. So this is how I remember it happening:
I woke up, suddenly, in the middle of the night, I would say I was awaken by a few flashes of lightning, not exterior flashes, rather interior, it's hard to describe this in words, but what this did is it put me in a very alert state. So now I was fully awake, with my eyes wide open, very alarmed, I was conscious about the state of my mind, and the awareness that I was in, and that it was very different (strange), and at this time a fear came over me, it flooded my whole being, at an intense level that I have absolutely, I am very certain of this, never ever experienced before in my life, the whole experience lasted maybe around 3 seconds. The first second I thought this might just be a dream and it will be over, but I realized in the next moment/second, when I was still fully awake, that the "fire" (that is the way I can best describe it) continued to burn, and I think the fact that it was a continuous burning/fright, comparable maybe to a moment when someone unexpectedly walks up behind you and really frightens you, this was a similar moment but more intense and continual/uninterrupted in time.
Then in the next moment/second, while still being present in this profound state, I remembered reading about the coming purification in one of the TLIG messages, and then I reached out my hand wanting to call out to my family that "THIS IS IT!", or something like that, but in that same moment of my thought the fire instantly went out, just like someone flipping a switch, and I was back to my "normal" self, I would say my normal consciousness. Then I just went back to sleep, I remember being very glad, and relieved that it was over, and I actually had no problem sleeping that night.
Then for the next few days, or maybe a week or two, I started to recall some moments/situations from my past and felt a strong remorse for them, even things that happened maybe over a decade ago or even longer, things I would never have thought before to be actual sins, but I felt a strong remorse for them. Likewise I felt a strong compunction about subtle things I did at the present time, which before I wouldn't consider as sins either. Also in that same week, after my purification, I remember crying, but since I didn't know this was because of my purification, I did not understand why, but I remember feeling genuinely remorseful. Soon after this I felt a strong urge to go to confession, and so I did.
I had a second similar Purification, at a later time, I don't remember when exactly, but it was also at night, in the same way as before, I woke up, being conscious of a fire inside/around me, but now only for a much shorter time, maybe less then one second. Now that I think back on this, I remember praying to God (this was after my first "purification") to please allow me to experience this fire again, in a sense I also wanted a confirmation for myself that the first experience was real, and not a dream, and so my prayer was answered.
Ever since this occurrence, I have had a very strong thirst for the Word of God, and for the TLIG messages themselves, a thirst that seems un-quenchable. I have already read the TLIG messages a few times, completely through, and now I am reading the Bible completely from beginning to end. The TLIG messages do satisfy this thirst the most, but I feel that even if I would read them 10 times it would not be enough.
Otherwise, my life has not changed, exteriorly speaking, although my passions of the past, about earthly/carnal things, are emphatically, much diminished. I attend Mass, as always, every Sunday, but now I partake in the Eucharist at every Mass, rather than for only a few weeks after Easter or Christmas, as I always use to do. In addition I now feel more willing to go to confession, I do so every month, instead of being reluctant and going just twice a year, as I did before. I now pray the rosary daily, which I never did before. I also am learning to pray ceaselessly, and have recently started to evangelize around my community by sharing with others the TLIG Messages. And although I do still sin, I now seem to be more aware of my sins, and I'm also sincerely trying my best, in every moment, to follow God's commandments of love.
Oh, one other experience, which was unusual, that happened after my Purification. It was when I was in prayer. Since I did not pray much before my purification, at least not with my heart, I had a hard time remembering prayer and also expressing it, but one night while I was praying and when I was stumbling trying to find the right words I heard an interior voice leading me in prayer. This only happened once, and has not repeated since.
It is strange, but sometimes I desire and pray that this fire again comes back to me, so that I can experience it just one more time. I say that this desire is strange since this was a somewhat frightening experience for me, and something that logically speaking, one would not want to go through again.
Please pray for me so that I may stay firmly, by God's grace, on the road of conversion.
May God Bless you and watch over you always, For ever in the
Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, in Love
1 Just wanted to add this note because I just now realized, after looking up in the book and writing down the date of this specific TLIG message, that it was about the same time, late September or early October, that I actually started reading the TLIG messages in 2002.